Quietly

I learned to cry quietly
Not because I wanted to
Because nobody was coming
Some children cry for comfort
I cried in silence
Behind closed doors
Into my pillow
In bathrooms
Late at night when everyone was asleep
Not because I wanted privacy
Because I learned something early:
My tears made people uncomfortable
My pain was inconvenient
My feelings were to much
So I stopped looking for comfort
And started comforting myself
The saddest part?
It became normal
Normal to cry alone
Normal to wipe my own tears
Normal to tell myself
"It's okay"
Even when it wasn't
And now, years later
I struggle to reach for people when I'm hurting
Because a part of me still believes
I have to carry everything alone.