A letter to you

I stumbled across a Youtube channel called 'No this is living'. One of the videos is a letter. I have typed it out becuase it meant so much to me. It hit so close to home and I never want to lose the words that were so expertly strung together. 

I remember being in high school. Laying in bed every single night until I'd fall asleep, praying. I was never really that religious but there was something I wanted so desperately... a boy. Just one boy to prove me wrong. To take away all the confusion and the fear. One boy who I could fall in love with and be able to tell myself: I'm not gay after all. I know you understand. You're the one living it. This is version number 3456 of this letter. There is so much I know that you need to hear, but you and I both know the truth. And even though one of us has never said it out loud, I know it's the only thing you're ever really thinking about. It's the reason you feel sick before volleyball practice and can't focus through school and why you sit in your car as long as you can before coming inside every night. It's the reason you can't fall asleep and the reason sometimes you'd rather not wake up. You had this whole idea of what you life was going to be, so did your parents. I mean, everyone thinks they know who you are, and you're so scared that you're gonna disappoint them. That you're gonna lose them. You're gonna realise that it feels so much better to have one person really know you and love you, than to have a hundred people love you and never really know you. I know it's scary to feel so out of control of a huge part of your life. I know that the world feels so big, and you feel completely alone. I know you'd give absolutely anything to change this. I know you're hurting.

All I want to do is reach through and give you a hug and let you know that everything is gonna be okay. But listen to me when I say. The struggle you're going through right now is gonna make you who you are. It's gonna make you so strong. It's gonna make you so proud. They say sadness is just the absence of happiness. The more you hurt only means the stronger you've ever felt love. Consider yourself lucky. One day soon, all of the anxieties and sleepless nights are gonna make the sound sleeps you'll have more beautiful than some people could ever understand. You're going to appreciate every little thing. There is one thing I believe in this world more than anything: everyone deserves to fall in love. You deserve to be in love. And not to ruin the surprise, but you're gonna get to fall in love with a girl and it's gonna feel like your heart is on fire. Listen, you are just gonna have to trust me on that because there is really no words to describe it. I'm gonna tell you a secret, of course you'll figure this out on your own, but one day you're going to go into the abyss and you're going to set up a little camp with a tall white flag, surrendering yourself to who you are. And one day, other people in the abyss just like you, they're going to see that flag and you're going to help them surrender to themselves who they truly are. And even though I know it sucks not having a flag to guide you, your flag is going to guide others and you will never feel more proud of anything. It turns out, you are not so different and you are definitely not alone. I know you don't feel this way right now, but I love you. 

Until next time

Ginger Girl